1. |
The Bi Who Lived
02:58
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I’m Harry, a nonbinary bisexual wix
I guess you can call me The Bi Who Lived
The world wanted me married, wife and kids
But the cupboard is small
And coming out makes me big
Fourth year was my awakening
Back then, felt like really high stakes when
I had bi panic bout Cho and Cedric
Loved riding my broom but wanted to try that dick
Watching Ginny and Dean snog, I must confess
I felt heat swell deep within my chest
Eventually, got Gin to peg me
But trust, I was looking respectfully
My best mates make a really fit couple
But when we were camping we were a thruple
Gotta preserve that body heat
When you’re starving in the woods (None pizza, left beef!)
I’m Harry, a nonbinary bisexual wix
I guess you can call me The Bi Who Lived
The world wanted me married, wife and kids
But the cupboard is small
Free loving makes me big
I’m Harry, and I’m a bisexual wix
You can call me The Bi Who Lived
The world wanted me married with wife and kids
But the cupboard makes me small
Found family makes me big
My assigned dorm and changing room didn’t fit me best
Not just cause Quidditch leathers make me sweat
That’s why Yer a wizard Harry made no sense
Now everything clicks since I'm self-determined
Why would I listen to small-minded tools?
I have magic so why not break all the rules
Bisexual Harry here to inspire
They put my name in the Goblet cause I spit fire
Wheezes sells totems, potions, and a hex
For gender affirmation and mind-blowing sex
Anything you can imagine delivered by Floo
Us wixes do it better while Muggles make do
I’m Harry, a nonbinary bisexual wix
I guess you can call me The Bi Who Lived
The world wants to define me as he him his
But the cupboard makes me small
Transitioning makes me big
I’m Harry, and I’m a nonbinary wix
You can call me The Bi Who Lived
Y’all want to define me as he him his
But the cupboard's small
Breaking the binary makes me big
Took forever to be seen as something other than gay
My coming out is now a national holiday
While the Prophet debates if I’m a woman or a man
The Weasleys understand and love me for who I am
Pure-blood society rejects the turning of the tide
Even liberal white women I expected on my side
Haters Howling, Karens tweeting
But I’m trans and proud and that bears repeating
I’m Harry, a nonbinary bisexual wix
You can call me The Bi Who Lived
The world wants to define me as he him his
But the cupboard makes me small
Authenticity makes me big
I’m Harry, a nonbinary bisexual wix
You can call me The Bi Who Lived
Y’all wanted me married, wife and kids
But the cupboard makes me small
Being just Harry makes me big
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2. |
Oliver's Wood
02:19
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Oliver, you’re so cool
Coolest guy at our school
Captain, my captain!
These feelings are new
We’re dirty from practice
It makes me distracted
My stomach clenches
The way that your abs did
Oliver, our fearless leader
Could your arse be any sweeter?
You sure know how to ride a Cleansweeper
I just wish you’d be my Keeper
You wanna win the match
It’s you I’d rather catch
In my mouth like the Snitch
But you’re too obsessed with Quidditch
Oliver, our fearless leader
Could your arse be any neater?
You sure know how to ride that Cleansweeper
I just wish you’d be my Keeper
Oliver, our fearless leader
Much more Gryffindor than Peter
You sure know how to fight a death eater
I just wish you’d be my Keeper
(Woah) Wish you'd be mine
(Woah) I wish you’d be my Keeper
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3. |
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Ah, Ginny!
You’re so pretty
Thanks for coming with me
To Hogsmeade city
Ah, Ginny!
You really get me
Please hit me
In the titty
Begging you to hit me
In the titty
Ginny, don't quit me
Hit my titty
I was so bad yesterday
Won't you hit me?
Hit me
In the titty!
Hit me
In the titty!
C'mon Ginny, hit me
In the titty!
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4. |
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You-Know-Who,
what that parseltongue do?
Dobby dobby dobby doo
What that parseltongue do?
You were so hot as Tom Riddle
Let’s play with Time Turners a little
Bring your giant snake to attention
In my Secret Chamber you can Slytherin
You-Know-Who,
what that parseltongue do?
Ronny-poo,
what that parseltongue do?
Dobby dobby dobby doo
What that parseltongue do?
Hermione and Myrtle wanted a kiss
After hearing Ron’s sexy hiss
Open my sink, come inside
Make me wet and drain me dry
Ronny-poo,
what that parseltongue do?
Draco ooo,
what that parseltongue do?
Dobby dobby dobby doo
What that parseltongue do?
Sixth year Slytherin, brooding and mysterious
Cunning’s in your blood but tell me how your cunnilingus is ;)
Salazar, so hungry and ambitious!
I have something for you to eat and it’s delicious
Dobby doo
What that parseltongue do?
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5. |
Viktoromione
01:46
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Hermione and Ron are circling
Each other all fourth year
Flirting, fighting, love igniting
But then Durmstrang appear
Viktor wants her, Ron’s his fanboy
Until the Yule Ball near
Finally all in for Hermione
What is happening here?
Viktor Krum, Ron, and Hermione resolve their love triangle with polyamory
Viktor Krum, Ron, Hermione (Viktoromione)
Ron sees them walk in the ballroom
He’s suddenly bewitched
His dream girl and his Quidditch man
Turn on his inner switch
Mione has both her wizards
She’s such a lucky witch
The thing ‘bout Vicky, he’s not picky
So down for this sandwich
Cause Viktor Krum, Ron, and Hermione resolve their love triangle with polyamory
Viktor Krum, Ron, Hermione (Viktoromione)
Viktor Krum, Ron, and Hermione resolve their love triangle with polyamory
Hermione reminds them there’s no rules to sexuality
They just have to do whatever makes them happy
So Viktor Krum, Ron, and Hermione resolve their love triangle with polyamory
Viktor Krum, Ron, Hermione (Viktoromione)
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6. |
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After the war for Harry it’s sacred
The times in the hut when visiting Hagrid
Smoking a blunt, asking I’m a wot? Yer slizzard
Harry, the bong chooses the wizard
Now Snape, he has a secret talent
Making edibles with delicate balance
Potions bubbling, recipe doubling
You’ll see your whole destiny hovering
And, bet, you would never guess the true reasons
Why Salazar built the Chamber of Secrets
It’s the snake’s pit of haze, been around ages
You might hear a hiss wheneva Blaise blazes
And you shoulda seen Minerva and Albus
After long days with a flick and a swish
Go directly for Dumbledore’s stash
Using Fawkes’s perch for roaches and ash
Hogwarts School of Indica and Sativa
Love toking that gillyweed
A rager in the Common Room
Flying high without getting on a broom
It’s a real good time getting sorcerers stoned
Aguamenti and Bi Harry give a helluva show
Up to no good, Fred and George consult the map
And find Percy in the Prefects’ bath
The twins give him some special sweets
Laughing while that Weasley wizard wheezed
When the full moon breaks the Marauders head back
To chill all day in the Shrieking Shack
They got no qualms missing class
Smoking that Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour grass
Neville’s growing in a corner of the greenhouse
Which he shouldn’t have told Luna and Ginny about
He won’t be saving any up for his retirement
Cause they always hot boxing the Room of Requirement
Even Voldemort on the back of Quirrell’s head
When he grew weary from being half-dead
Would beg his minion for a hit of his pen
Til that’s what old Voldy saw in Erised
[Aguamenti: Fuck yeah, that sounds so good!]
Hogwarts School of Indica and Sativa
Love toking that gillyweed
A rager in the Common Room
Flying high without getting on a broom
Knocking back shots of Expecto Patrón
Aguamenti and Bi Harry give a helluva show
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7. |
I Am Not A Horcrux
02:04
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I am not a horcrux
I am not a horcrux
I am not a horcrux
I am not a horcrux
I am not a horcrux
I am not a horcrux
But I You-Know-Who it
The Voldy that I met is quite savage
Always tryna grab a Gringotts package
He come up on me and he touch my face
But I’m a human, not to ravage
Sometimes I feel part of him in me
I need love not random Crucio
But every Dark Lord I try to get to know
Ends up trying to kill me
I said I am not a horcrux
I am not a horcrux
But I You-Know-Who it
Sometimes I just like the chase
Tom, I know we’re core-compatible
But get your wand out my face
I am not a horcrux (No no no)
I am not a horcrux (Not your soul)
I am not a horcrux (I just love to Floo it)
I am not a horcrux
But I You-Know-Who it
I am not a horcrux
I am not a horcrux
I am not a horcrux
I am not a horcrux
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8. |
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Hunters out for my blood and a threesome
Break my neck for blood and a threesome
Don’t drink my blood, don’t ask for a threesome
[Artist note: We love threesomes! Just not the inappropriate solicitations when people find out you're bi. We love triads! Just not unicorn hunting.]
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9. |
Snape Lives
02:27
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Severus Snape
Microdosed anti-venom each day
A recipe that he made
After all, he hangs around a killer snake
Severus Snape
Oooo Snape lives
Severus Snape
Oooo Snape lives
He got up off that floor
Of the Shrieking Shack
A soldier no more
And never looked back
Severus Snape
Oooo Snape lives
Out on the Muggle scene
He’s only 38
Called the Half Blood Queen
And tonight she’s got a date
Severus Snape
Oooo Snape lives
His demons exorcised
Past in the past
At night he can close his eyes
Content at last
Severus Snape
Oooo Snape lives
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10. |
Rubeus Rubeus
01:49
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At the end of the books
Harry’s full of shit
The man he overlooks
I just can’t believe it
Naming his son Albus Severus
And not Rubeus Rubeus
Albus Severus
And not Rubeus Rubeus?
Albus Severus
And not Rubeus Rubeus?
Albus Severus
And not Rubeus Rubeus?!
Rubeus Rubeus
You deserved so much more
Rubeus Rubeus Potter
Well, Hagrid isn't dead
But even then, why not Fred?
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11. |
Voice Drop
03:04
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So cute in the films when Ron and Harry's voices dropped
But I'm a trans wizard still waiting for my voice drop
Support trans youth cause trans kids know what's up
Every wix and wizard deserves to get their voice drop
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12. |
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Hermione Granger worked tirelessly
For the Ministry to set the House Elves free
But she tried and she found that it could never be
For the system was built on this hierarchy
So one day Hermione stood up in a huff
And finally decided enough is enough
Marched purposefully down the halls and out that Floo
With clarity on what she needed to do
The day that Hermione joined with the elves
In their revolution to liberate themselves
‘Twas a mighty coalition of elf and witch
To stand up and change what the law couldn’t fix
They organized all the ones who were free
To engage in the utmost trickery
And fool all the masters into giving clothes
Until the elves were finding freedom in droves
But the movement weren’t done, for they just couldn’t stand
The moral outrage that was Azkaban
And so the elves set sail onto the North Sea
Determined to see it through until all were free
The day that Hermione joined with the elves
In their revolution to liberate themselves
‘Twas the very day that they all began
Hatching their plan to burn down Azkaban
But when the rebellion arrived on those shores
They were met with battalions of brutal Aurors
Curses were flying; elves had to retreat
While their backs were covered by one Hermione
And so the accomplice arrested and tried
And thrown into Azkaban to suffer and die
But she grinned for she knew that they’d all soon be freed
Their plan needed an inside witch to succeed
The day that Hermione joined with the elves
When they chose to act and committed themselves
To making bold moves even if it meant war
‘Til slavery and prison torture were no more
The future transformed when she joined with the elves
In their revolution to liberate themselves
‘Twas a mighty coalition of elf and witch
They stood up and changed what the law wouldn’t fix
(With people power Azkaban went down quick)
What shall we do with Demented wailers?
What shall we do with Demented wailers?
What shall we do with Dementors? We'll set
Azkaban a-burning!
Weigh, heigh, Elf uprising
Weigh, heigh, Elf uprising
Weigh, heigh, Elf uprising
Azkaban a-burning!
Break em out with the Elven magic
Break em out with the Elven magic
Break em out with Elven magic
Azkaban a-burning!
Weigh, heigh, Elf uprising
Weigh, heigh, Elf uprising
Weigh, heigh, Elf uprising
Azkaban a-burning!
Do a little jig with ha- Hermione
Do a little jig with ha- Hermione
Do a little jig with Hermione while
Azkaban’s a-burning!
[TREBLE REEL!]
Weigh, heigh, Elf uprising
Weigh, heigh, Elf uprising
Weigh, heigh, Elf uprising
Azkaban a-burning!
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