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Yer Bisexual Harry

by Bisexual Harry

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1.
I’m Harry, a nonbinary bisexual wix I guess you can call me The Bi Who Lived The world wanted me married, wife and kids But the cupboard is small And coming out makes me big Fourth year was my awakening Back then, felt like really high stakes when I had bi panic bout Cho and Cedric Loved riding my broom but wanted to try that dick Watching Ginny and Dean snog, I must confess I felt heat swell deep within my chest Eventually, got Gin to peg me But trust, I was looking respectfully My best mates make a really fit couple But when we were camping we were a thruple Gotta preserve that body heat When you’re starving in the woods (None pizza, left beef!) I’m Harry, a nonbinary bisexual wix I guess you can call me The Bi Who Lived The world wanted me married, wife and kids But the cupboard is small Free loving makes me big I’m Harry, and I’m a bisexual wix You can call me The Bi Who Lived The world wanted me married with wife and kids But the cupboard makes me small Found family makes me big My assigned dorm and changing room didn’t fit me best Not just cause Quidditch leathers make me sweat That’s why Yer a wizard Harry made no sense Now everything clicks since I'm self-determined Why would I listen to small-minded tools? I have magic so why not break all the rules Bisexual Harry here to inspire They put my name in the Goblet cause I spit fire Wheezes sells totems, potions, and a hex For gender affirmation and mind-blowing sex Anything you can imagine delivered by Floo Us wixes do it better while Muggles make do I’m Harry, a nonbinary bisexual wix I guess you can call me The Bi Who Lived The world wants to define me as he him his But the cupboard makes me small Transitioning makes me big I’m Harry, and I’m a nonbinary wix You can call me The Bi Who Lived Y’all want to define me as he him his But the cupboard's small Breaking the binary makes me big Took forever to be seen as something other than gay My coming out is now a national holiday While the Prophet debates if I’m a woman or a man The Weasleys understand and love me for who I am Pure-blood society rejects the turning of the tide Even liberal white women I expected on my side Haters Howling, Karens tweeting But I’m trans and proud and that bears repeating I’m Harry, a nonbinary bisexual wix You can call me The Bi Who Lived The world wants to define me as he him his But the cupboard makes me small Authenticity makes me big I’m Harry, a nonbinary bisexual wix You can call me The Bi Who Lived Y’all wanted me married, wife and kids But the cupboard makes me small Being just Harry makes me big
2.
Oliver, you’re so cool Coolest guy at our school Captain, my captain! These feelings are new We’re dirty from practice It makes me distracted My stomach clenches The way that your abs did Oliver, our fearless leader Could your arse be any sweeter? You sure know how to ride a Cleansweeper I just wish you’d be my Keeper You wanna win the match It’s you I’d rather catch In my mouth like the Snitch But you’re too obsessed with Quidditch Oliver, our fearless leader Could your arse be any neater? You sure know how to ride that Cleansweeper I just wish you’d be my Keeper Oliver, our fearless leader Much more Gryffindor than Peter You sure know how to fight a death eater I just wish you’d be my Keeper (Woah) Wish you'd be mine (Woah) I wish you’d be my Keeper
3.
Ah, Ginny! You’re so pretty Thanks for coming with me To Hogsmeade city Ah, Ginny! You really get me Please hit me In the titty Begging you to hit me In the titty Ginny, don't quit me Hit my titty I was so bad yesterday Won't you hit me? Hit me In the titty! Hit me In the titty! C'mon Ginny, hit me In the titty!
4.
You-Know-Who, what that parseltongue do? Dobby dobby dobby doo What that parseltongue do? You were so hot as Tom Riddle Let’s play with Time Turners a little Bring your giant snake to attention In my Secret Chamber you can Slytherin You-Know-Who, what that parseltongue do? Ronny-poo, what that parseltongue do? Dobby dobby dobby doo What that parseltongue do? Hermione and Myrtle wanted a kiss After hearing Ron’s sexy hiss Open my sink, come inside Make me wet and drain me dry Ronny-poo, what that parseltongue do? Draco ooo, what that parseltongue do? Dobby dobby dobby doo What that parseltongue do? Sixth year Slytherin, brooding and mysterious Cunning’s in your blood but tell me how your cunnilingus is ;) Salazar, so hungry and ambitious! I have something for you to eat and it’s delicious Dobby doo What that parseltongue do?
5.
Viktoromione 01:46
Hermione and Ron are circling Each other all fourth year Flirting, fighting, love igniting But then Durmstrang appear Viktor wants her, Ron’s his fanboy Until the Yule Ball near Finally all in for Hermione What is happening here? Viktor Krum, Ron, and Hermione resolve their love triangle with polyamory Viktor Krum, Ron, Hermione (Viktoromione) Ron sees them walk in the ballroom He’s suddenly bewitched His dream girl and his Quidditch man Turn on his inner switch Mione has both her wizards She’s such a lucky witch The thing ‘bout Vicky, he’s not picky So down for this sandwich Cause Viktor Krum, Ron, and Hermione resolve their love triangle with polyamory Viktor Krum, Ron, Hermione (Viktoromione) Viktor Krum, Ron, and Hermione resolve their love triangle with polyamory Hermione reminds them there’s no rules to sexuality They just have to do whatever makes them happy So Viktor Krum, Ron, and Hermione resolve their love triangle with polyamory Viktor Krum, Ron, Hermione (Viktoromione)
6.
After the war for Harry it’s sacred The times in the hut when visiting Hagrid Smoking a blunt, asking I’m a wot? Yer slizzard Harry, the bong chooses the wizard Now Snape, he has a secret talent Making edibles with delicate balance Potions bubbling, recipe doubling You’ll see your whole destiny hovering And, bet, you would never guess the true reasons Why Salazar built the Chamber of Secrets It’s the snake’s pit of haze, been around ages You might hear a hiss wheneva Blaise blazes And you shoulda seen Minerva and Albus After long days with a flick and a swish Go directly for Dumbledore’s stash Using Fawkes’s perch for roaches and ash Hogwarts School of Indica and Sativa Love toking that gillyweed A rager in the Common Room Flying high without getting on a broom It’s a real good time getting sorcerers stoned Aguamenti and Bi Harry give a helluva show Up to no good, Fred and George consult the map And find Percy in the Prefects’ bath The twins give him some special sweets Laughing while that Weasley wizard wheezed When the full moon breaks the Marauders head back To chill all day in the Shrieking Shack They got no qualms missing class Smoking that Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour grass Neville’s growing in a corner of the greenhouse Which he shouldn’t have told Luna and Ginny about He won’t be saving any up for his retirement Cause they always hot boxing the Room of Requirement Even Voldemort on the back of Quirrell’s head When he grew weary from being half-dead Would beg his minion for a hit of his pen Til that’s what old Voldy saw in Erised [Aguamenti: Fuck yeah, that sounds so good!] Hogwarts School of Indica and Sativa Love toking that gillyweed A rager in the Common Room Flying high without getting on a broom Knocking back shots of Expecto Patrón Aguamenti and Bi Harry give a helluva show
7.
I am not a horcrux I am not a horcrux I am not a horcrux I am not a horcrux I am not a horcrux I am not a horcrux But I You-Know-Who it The Voldy that I met is quite savage Always tryna grab a Gringotts package He come up on me and he touch my face But I’m a human, not to ravage Sometimes I feel part of him in me I need love not random Crucio But every Dark Lord I try to get to know Ends up trying to kill me I said I am not a horcrux I am not a horcrux But I You-Know-Who it Sometimes I just like the chase Tom, I know we’re core-compatible But get your wand out my face I am not a horcrux (No no no) I am not a horcrux (Not your soul) I am not a horcrux (I just love to Floo it) I am not a horcrux But I You-Know-Who it I am not a horcrux I am not a horcrux I am not a horcrux I am not a horcrux
8.
Hunters out for my blood and a threesome Break my neck for blood and a threesome Don’t drink my blood, don’t ask for a threesome [Artist note: We love threesomes! Just not the inappropriate solicitations when people find out you're bi. We love triads! Just not unicorn hunting.]
9.
Snape Lives 02:27
Severus Snape Microdosed anti-venom each day A recipe that he made After all, he hangs around a killer snake Severus Snape Oooo Snape lives Severus Snape Oooo Snape lives He got up off that floor Of the Shrieking Shack A soldier no more And never looked back Severus Snape Oooo Snape lives Out on the Muggle scene He’s only 38 Called the Half Blood Queen And tonight she’s got a date Severus Snape Oooo Snape lives His demons exorcised Past in the past At night he can close his eyes Content at last Severus Snape Oooo Snape lives
10.
At the end of the books Harry’s full of shit The man he overlooks I just can’t believe it Naming his son Albus Severus And not Rubeus Rubeus Albus Severus And not Rubeus Rubeus? Albus Severus And not Rubeus Rubeus? Albus Severus And not Rubeus Rubeus?! Rubeus Rubeus You deserved so much more Rubeus Rubeus Potter Well, Hagrid isn't dead But even then, why not Fred?
11.
Voice Drop 03:04
So cute in the films when Ron and Harry's voices dropped But I'm a trans wizard still waiting for my voice drop Support trans youth cause trans kids know what's up Every wix and wizard deserves to get their voice drop
12.
Hermione Granger worked tirelessly For the Ministry to set the House Elves free But she tried and she found that it could never be For the system was built on this hierarchy So one day Hermione stood up in a huff And finally decided enough is enough Marched purposefully down the halls and out that Floo With clarity on what she needed to do The day that Hermione joined with the elves In their revolution to liberate themselves ‘Twas a mighty coalition of elf and witch To stand up and change what the law couldn’t fix They organized all the ones who were free To engage in the utmost trickery And fool all the masters into giving clothes Until the elves were finding freedom in droves But the movement weren’t done, for they just couldn’t stand The moral outrage that was Azkaban And so the elves set sail onto the North Sea Determined to see it through until all were free The day that Hermione joined with the elves In their revolution to liberate themselves ‘Twas the very day that they all began Hatching their plan to burn down Azkaban But when the rebellion arrived on those shores They were met with battalions of brutal Aurors Curses were flying; elves had to retreat While their backs were covered by one Hermione And so the accomplice arrested and tried And thrown into Azkaban to suffer and die But she grinned for she knew that they’d all soon be freed Their plan needed an inside witch to succeed The day that Hermione joined with the elves When they chose to act and committed themselves To making bold moves even if it meant war ‘Til slavery and prison torture were no more The future transformed when she joined with the elves In their revolution to liberate themselves ‘Twas a mighty coalition of elf and witch They stood up and changed what the law wouldn’t fix (With people power Azkaban went down quick) What shall we do with Demented wailers? What shall we do with Demented wailers? What shall we do with Dementors? We'll set Azkaban a-burning! Weigh, heigh, Elf uprising Weigh, heigh, Elf uprising Weigh, heigh, Elf uprising Azkaban a-burning! Break em out with the Elven magic Break em out with the Elven magic Break em out with Elven magic Azkaban a-burning! Weigh, heigh, Elf uprising Weigh, heigh, Elf uprising Weigh, heigh, Elf uprising Azkaban a-burning! Do a little jig with ha- Hermione Do a little jig with ha- Hermione Do a little jig with Hermione while Azkaban’s a-burning! [TREBLE REEL!] Weigh, heigh, Elf uprising Weigh, heigh, Elf uprising Weigh, heigh, Elf uprising Azkaban a-burning!

credits

released January 5, 2023

It takes a Hogsmeade!
Many thanks to Cassidy for your creative partnership;
Ash for your mentorship and killer beats;
Erik, Bryce, Sagan, Bradley, David, Mel, Bridget, Abby, and Ethan for your musical talents and heart;
Randi for the cover art;
Lovegood Bath Potions, Toni, and Wellz for the beautiful merch;
and the Wizard Rock community for caring about any of this. You make life better. Wrock and love! x Lan

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Bisexual Harry Milwaukee, Wisconsin

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